Shoot!

Did you ever notice how many songs there are about going home?  Since I made my trip home back in October and realized how much I missed Columbus these songs have taken on a personal significance to me.

All these songs seem to be motivated by a few distinct things that I’ve come to realize are important.  Saving Jane’s Ohio, Michael Buble’s Home, Daughtry’s Home, Carrie Underwood’s Thank God For Hometowns, Simon and Garfunel’s Homeward Bound, and The Wiz’s Home all deal with the love that you find at home.  Then there’s Phillip Phillips’ Home where it’s not necessarily about going to a physical place but in showing that Home is where the heart is and that’s also brought about in Beauty and the Beast’s Home.  Then there’s the Hannah Montana song You’ll Always Find Your Way Back Home which deals with the fact that no matter how crazy the world is, it’s your home that is where you will always be welcomed back safe.

All these songs are about love, not about a place.  In all of them the main reason is that the love you find back home is so unique and special and it’s a comfort.  It’s something you’ll always have to return to no matter where you roam.

The trip home really set me on a path to self discovery that I think I may have long been afraid of taking.  For one week I was so happy to be surrounded by my friends and family and to be in a city I loved.  Columbus is really just such an amazing city and if you haven’t been there you need to make it.  It’s not that I hate Orlando, it’s just not home.

When my grandfather died it wasn’t anyone in Orlando that I felt comfortable reaching out to.  It was my friends in Ohio.  The bond that I made with them is unique and special and can’t be replaced.  I’m sorry to say that while there are people I love in Orlando I’ve never developed that connection that I have with my fellow Buckeyes.

I’m not sure if my mother was surprised when on my last day home that week I burst into tears telling her I didn’t want to go back but I felt trapped.  I had a house and a job in Orlando and it was terrifying at the concept of giving that all up.  Yes, Columbus is home.  But in reality it’s the great unknown as well.  To move back I would have to risk everything.  Then there was always the possibility of, what if moving still didn’t make me happy?

It was shortly after I returned from my trip home that I was watching the movie Post Grad.  The big lesson that the main character learns is summed up towards the movie in one line.

What you do with your life is, really just one half of the equation. The other half, the more important half, really is, who you’re with when you’re doing it.

The line hit me.  This is what was missing in my life.  It was the people I loved that were missing.  There was nothing wrong with my job, but a job can’t satisfy you alone.  I made up my mind in that instant that I knew that I wanted to go back to Columbus.  That was in October.  It’s April and I’m still in Orlando.

The fact is that figuring out that the most important thing in your life are the people that surround you doesn’t mean that you’re instantly set to go.  The people in your life are half the equation, the more important half, yes, but still only half the equation.  You still need to figure out what you want to do with your life.

To this day I’m still questioning that one.  On one hand I know, if I could do anything with my life I would do something creative.  Write, sing, or act, in reality those are where my passions lay, but how many people who pursue those are successful?  Sure you’ve got stories about J.K. Rowling who was on Welfare when she wrote Harry Potter only to turn around and become more successful than Oprah, but that’s a long shot.

So I look for a “realistic” job in Columbus.  It’s hard to apply for jobs though knowing that none of them are what you want to do.  It’s necessary though.  At least they say it is.

I’ve decided I no longer am going to live my life in fear.  Does this mean I’m not going to find a job but pursue my creative ambitions solely? No, of course not.  I will find a job in Columbus and be with the people I love there.  I’m going to start pursuing these other aspects though.  This is the first start of this.  I’ve always loved to write on my own, but no one has really ever read my writing unless you count that Angelfire website I had in the late 90s that I wrote on.  No one sits and rights an amazing novel right off the bat.  They have to practice at their skill.  So I’m going to write.  I’m going to write everyday my thoughts on what’s going on.  I won’t live in fear.  I’m going to shoot and take the risk.

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